Have you ever had an experience where out of nowhere something bubbled up inside of you and came exploding out? A thought, and idea, an emotion? It comes bursting forth so suddenly that it catches you by surprise, like you are not the owner of the thought or emotion, like it was buried deep inside you, waiting for recognition, waiting to be awakened, then to awaken you. I have had this happen so many times, as if there were many other me’s deeply hidden, shrouded from my own consciousness until a ripe moment came. Last week I was visiting the Cincinnati Hindu Temple where one of the biggest of these events I am describing - happened. It was - wow - how many years ago? I had been asked to be a judge at a dance competition taking place at the Hindu Mela at the Cincinnati Hindu Temple. The whole scene was a feast for my eyes and senses, but not in the way you might think. I was fascinated by the style of parenting going on. As a parent of two young girls, I was deeply into the idea of conscious parenting, but nothing I had encountered was like the noise, color and movement taking place in the audience while team after team of girls was up on the stage dancing. In the audience, the children were running, talking, yelling and parents were holding, talking, running, soothing, patting. In spite of the din and the movement, it was all incredibly peaceful. There were no upset parents or frustrated kids. I had never seen anything like it. The dancers seemed unmoved by the chaos and outshone each other in the performances.
The event ended, the prizes were awarded and it was time to leave. I had the thought I should take a look upstairs as I had never been in a Hindu temple. I walked up alone and was struck by the large empty space, the rolls of carpets people were using to sit on the floor, and the line of “statues” stretching across the vast room. I moved forward looking at them curiously. I may have vaguely recognised the elephant headed god but everything else was a blur of color and sameness in spite of their vast differentness. I walked to the right until I was standing in front of something I could not understand. Before I can even give words to you to describe what it was, I want you to understand the power of the emotion that came through me, stronger and more powerful than almost anything I had ever experienced. It was literally an internal push that took my breath in and pushed tears and sobs out. I was overcome with engulfing sobs but there was no intelligence to understand what the force of emotion was about. I had no understanding of what I was seeing and yet it was taking me to my knees in sobs. I was watching myself becoming undone in public with no logical reason. A young girl with her mother on her left walked up next to me. She asked my why I was crying. Hardly able to answer through the sobs I said, “I have no idea. It has something to with that”, and I pointed to the statue. I asked her, “What is it?” She tugged her mom’s sleeve and explained that I was crying and wanted to know the name of the statue. The mom said, “Siva Linga”. I cried harder. I tried to memorized the word Sivalinga so I could go home and look it up. I said it over and over, “Sivalinga, Sivalinga, Sivalinga”. I cried all the way home and off and on for three days. I could not get the image out of me. I also could not find the exact image, as the one in the temple had the Naga over it and I had to look for years before I found that exact Shiva Linga. The feeling of that awakening is still in my body 10 years later, and still inspires awe of this life, with so many ups and downs, but that awakenings of this proportion can and do exist. And that I have been lucky enough to keep putting one foot forward again and again, to step into the next circle of grace guiding me towards the next awakening. Thus another chapter of waking up. Comments are closed.
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Bodhanaa NithyanandaWriting to Discover and En-spire. Archives
April 2021
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