How many times do you have a deep knowing but without any logic or facts, or even reasons to support it? You just know it and want it. Once instance of this was naming Saskia. My husband and I named our second daughter Saskia, an unusual name, but a name we both were drawn to instantly. It is a name that people find difficult, that my daughter feels has a harsh sound. I can understand why she feels that way with the with the sk consonants - the same sk sound that for me brings up images of Vikings. But that was not the feeling I had when we named her. The feeling the name evoked in me when I heard it is exactly what I think of as Saskia. The first time that we heard the name Saskia, we were attending an Antioch College Dance Department Concert. A young female dancer in a red costume came on stage and did a modern dance solo. She had fine blond hair that stood out when she spun. The routine had sharp staccato clapping throughout which I loved. When her name was announced I was entranced. Saskia. I had never heard that name but I loved it immediately. I said to my husband that if we ever have another daughter, let's name her Saskia.
Being pregnant for the third time, we were tossing names around when I was reading a novel called the Saskiad by Brian Hull. I had not remembered the name Saskia, but when I came upon the name again, Brian and I decided that if it was a girl, she would be Saskia. Saskia arrived two weeks early in a beautiful home birth. Everything was fine, Apgar scores were 10, when she suddenly went into respiratory distress. During the next ten days in NICU, I wavered with the name. She was struggling and was fragile. Wasn't a name like Ophelia or Phoebe better suited? Brian said no, Saskia is strong and she needs this name to fight. So Saskia it was. Then came the questions. It didn't occur to me that there would be a million questions about the name. Saskia? What kind of name is that? Where is it from? Who is she named after? So after the gut feeling, the intuition, I tried to find a reason to justify the name. I didn't trust my knowing enough to say she was named after someone we saw dance once, someone we never met, so I did what i've done my whole life. I researched the name. Ah! It was Dutch! It was the name of Rembrandt's wife. It was the name of the USA Woman's soccer team goalie. These were the justifications that appeased me and gave me the confidence to justify the name to others. It gave me ground to stand on, a place to put the name. For me, it was just the name. How it sounded. The image it evoked deep in me, who this girl-then-woman already was. Words can carry whole universes within them. The name Saskia said to me; Strong. Bright. Clear. A person that is carried by depth. A force running through. Eternal. Tenderness. Looking outward while standing her ground. And this a gift Saskia has given me, helping me stand within my knowing. This is Saskia.
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